Top 10 Most Influential Moments in My Life Episode Two

My Early Childhood as a Vagabond Comes to an End

I have this general impression of my life up until about the middle of 5th grade as sort of a traveling circus. You know…set it all up, do business there for a while, tear it all down, set it all up again somewhere else, etc. I have these ethereal images in my mind of me as insubstantial just floating through everyone else’s solid, everyday lives. I count around 8 different elementary schools between 1st and 5th grades…some of those twice (went there, moved away, moved back). Sometimes I was handed off from one home to the next within our family. Sometimes all of us in the home would move to a new spot. Either way, I was all over the place. I remember my white, canopy twin bed sitting in the corners of lots of different rooms. I had lots of different “brothers and sisters”, too…which were actually cousins or oddly enough aunts/uncles who were my age (I won’t even try to explain). Middle of 5th grade I ended up in the home and with the family that I would pretty much be with for the rest of my school days (other than the brother/uncle and sister/aunts slowly dropped like flies under the pressure and went back to live with their birth mom) and ultimately I went from being 1 child of 4 to being 1 semi-adult child of 1 by the end of middle school. Last man standing. The where and who of this permanent settlement ultimately determined probably 75% of my total psychological development. And 95% of the time I see that as negative. But during the 5% of the time that I see the positives about myself that came from that arrangement, I breathe a big sigh of relief because as crumby as it was, it was still 100% better than other likely alternatives. I’m just pulling those numbers out of my hat. I haven’t really quantified it. And actually, I'm not even wearing a hat.

Top 10 Most Influential Moments in My Life Episode One

Being Born

I almost said I was ill conceived, but that implies something was ‘planned’, which I was not. I was the unwitting cause of family turmoil for my entire gestation. Everyone had a different idea about what should be done with me…get rid of me before I could “be”…give me away. There had to be a solution to save face. After 9 months of basking in alternating THC and stress hormones, I was born. I think most everyone liked me better after I was born. I’m still not sure how I feel about it.

Dream From When I Was 12

I was in middle school (the age I actually was at the time of the dream) and I was at a water park with a wave pool. The pool didn’t have as much water as it was supposed to have (this happens a lot in my dreams) and the water was murky and the sky was overcast. Everyone seemed strange in how they were behaving and everything felt ominous. There were sawhorses set up all around the pool in a big long line and on each saw horse was a window. The windows were that old type like you see in Florida houses and mobile homes where there is a hand crank and the little horizontal panes all tilt out together or close together. There was a storm coming and all those windows on the sawhorses were in the open position. Somehow I knew that I had to get them all closed before the storm hit. So I was making my way down the line cranking the windows closed as fast as I could. At some point I realized I would never make it and when I don’t then something bad will happen. Finally the storm hits and the world flashes and I’m in a giant dishwasher. I was on the door and I was small enough that I could have fit into the soap dispenser. The door was closing and there was awful murky water in the bottom. I was sliding down towards the water and the idea of that water gave me the feeling of a hell, but I couldn’t really see anything in the water, only hear things that sounded bad. Friends and family members were sliding past and I was trying to grab hold of them and stop them but every one was sliding down into the water. I woke up in the middle of scrambling on the slick door as it closed and went dark.

THAT ONE NIGHT IPA

14 lbs 2 row barley
1 lb DME
1 lb 20L Crystal malt
3 oz raw Amarillo hops (bittering 60 min)
2 oz pelleted centennial hops (finishing 10 min)
1 oz centennial dry hopped
OG = 1.064

What I Am Not

I am diffuse
I have scattered and become a greater that is less
A fire dispersed to glowing cinders that extinguish when touched
I am the failing light
I am the fragile warm ash

I am diffuse and forceless
A deeply vague struggle to exist and not exist
Suspended and fragmenting in the spiraling current of the lives around me
I am fog in wind
I am sand in soil

I am diffuse and imperceptible
Wailing symphonies of sadness, weeping torrents of life force
It all pools to gray within vivid unreachable life
I am a ghost
I am my ghost

I am diffuse with fathomless distances between the parcels of my spirit
Poised in manic melodramatic stillness
The least purposeful of existences
I am barely here
I am almost nowhere

Prehistoric Historical Love Story

It recently came to my attention that there is some concern that when the supercontinent Pangaea broke into its various pieces, the event leading to today’s continents, that dinosaur friends and family may have been separated never to see one another again. I happen to have some information on the matter, and I will share it here.

I have heard there were many dinosaur factions who hadn't gotten along for zillions of years and no manner of summits or diplomatic retreats could seem to make any difference. There were many arguments and much bloodshed. So way way before the Pangaea pieces were too far apart for travel amongst them, the factions moved onto separate Pangaea pieces (chosen by lottery) and used the ever widening bodies of water to slowly (very slowly) put physical distances amongst the groups. Eventually the watery distance between the new "continents" was too far for traversing and there was much jubilation and average lifespan increased immensely, too. But there is a tale of love and sadness and happiness (if you are inclined to choose the alternate ending) often told of this time.

Each Pangaea piece had what were known as "Swimmers" whose job it was every full moon to swim from one shore to the other and report back the distance and their energy expenditure during the swim. Swimmers were allowed on the full moon and would not be considered a threat as long as upon reaching the enemy shore they immediately turned and began swimming for their home shore without delay. This went on for millions of years and it was an honor to be chosen for the position, because Swimmers were the strongest and had the most endurance of any dinosaur. But with the position came the knowledge that one day the distance would be too great and that the Swimmer would perish during the trip, signaling the much anticipated time of peace for the continents.

As the story goes, our ill-fated final Swimmer, early in the years of his swimming duty, was enthralled by a beautiful creature frolicking in the surf in the moonlight one evening as he approached the enemy shore. Although he was unable to linger at the shore, he called to her and she looked up with acknowledgement, but nothing more. Over the next many full moons this continued and eventually his moonlit scaly beauty went from returning his attentions to approaching him briefly in the tide. Eventually their affection grew and every full moon she would rush out to meet him in the surf and swim part of the way back so that they could share time together.

After many years, one evening, upon reaching his home shore, the Swimmer realized in his exhaustion that the time had come and that the following full moon the shores would be too distant and he would be making his final swim. The next full moon he swam to meet his love as usual. For a while he did not tell her that his death was near but let her enjoy as much of their final time together as he could. As they neared the point where she must leave and return to her own shore, the Swimmer told her of his fate that night. With a breaking heart, she insisted that he let her help him on to shore. Of course he refused, because then she would be without the energy to return to her own shore and she would be the one to perish. Dinosaurs were known to be stubborn creatures, particularly dinosaurs in love, and when she refused to turn and swim back to her shore, they soon realized that the only solution was to swim no further and remain there between the two shores…together…until the ocean took them. And so, just before dawn, with their energies spent, they slipped beneath the surface of the water together and never emerged.

Alternate ending: And so, just before dawn, with their energies spent, they slipped beneath the surface of the water. After sinking about two feet, they touched bottom and realized that although the ocean was wide, it was actually pretty shallow and they sprang back to the surface with renewed vigor. They parted with joy in their hearts, using the ocean floor to see them safely back to their shores, knowing that their time was still long and they had many moons yet to swim together.